Why I...

Could I break up a marriage? Could I really take away the happiness that is shared between two couples? I want to be happy... but do I have to end happiness to create happiness? No... I have realized that all that matters is that I can find happiness, I would do anything to have Daisy, I would fight anything and anyone to be with her. I must be with her. Why must I destroy the happiness of other to create my own? I do not have to, however in this instance it is nessassary. I must have Daisy, I would do anything for her, and I would fight anyone to keep her by my side. If this is what I must do, I will do it happily, I will do anything to get her back, no matter what it takes.

What I was feeling...

There she is... she is so much more beautiful than I remember. I never thought it possible but she is no different then she was when I last saw her. She is still just as beautiful and funny, she is everything that I could ever want. The second she walked through that door I knew that I was in love with her, I knew that I would want to spend the rest of my life with her. She is all I could ever want, I will never leave her again... She is accepting my presence... She doesn't hate me... She is laughing... This might work... Could my dreams actually come true...? Only time will tell, but as far as I am concerned, this is the only place I want to be, with her.

What I was thinking...

As I stand here, thinking about the meeting with Daisy which is about to occur, I think about what led me here. I think about why I am standing in Nick's house waiting for my long lost love to arrive I think about running. I think that I should just run away and never look back, but I owe it to myself to see her at least one last time. I have wanted to see her for so long but now I fear that she will reject me once more. Why should I take this risk? Why should I not just leave her to live her life? No... I refuse; I must see her that one last time, even if she does reject me, I must find out how she feels.

Why I...

What do I throw these parties every weekend? I am not sure anymore. I think I started because I wanted to gain fame and prestige, but know all I want is her. I thought maybe, just maybe, if I became so well known, that the people of East Egg would hear of me, including Daisy. I thought maybe, she would remember who I am and leave her husband. In the beginning I liked the parties, but now I just stare at the people and I think to myself, "I do not know more than half of these people." So I guess I am not sure why I have these parties anymore. I can only guess that some part of me still believes that I can be with her and hopes that she may finally show up at my door.

What I was feeling...

I cannot believe that she will not be mine... I cannot fathom the sadness I myself am in. I try to forget her, I attempt to leave her behind but I cannot. I throw party after lavish party hoping that she will arrive and find me, and leave that horrid man she is with and come to me. But now, as I stare out into the crowd of people who have arrived in anticipation of one of my grand gala's, I do not see her. I doubt I will ever see her. She could never leave her husband for a nobody like me, but I at least have to try. I have to make sure that she knows how I feel... but I am terrified of what may happen afterward... who is to know what could happen; but no matter what could happen, I will find out the truth; I will attempt to make her mine again.

What I was thinking...

I was standing... standing on my pier staring out into the darkness. I stare into the dark, hoping that somehow, somewhere she is thinking of me, wanting to find me. I hope these things and yet I know there is no chance that these sophomoric hopes will ever come to florishion. The woman that I love, the woman with whom I want to spend my life; she is lost to me. It is as if I am not just staring into the dark sea, but rather the void. I am standing at the precipice and one more step could send me hurtling into darkness... but there is something stopping me. There is a light, a light that splits the void and sunders the darkness. That small green light at the end of Daisy's dock, that is what keeps me from stepping into the darkness; that is what stifles my movement into the void. I will find my way through the void and into the light... I swear it.